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- Written by Helen Buyniski
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You know you want a Vaccine Passport.™ All the cool kids are carrying them. Just think how convenient it'll be when the cops can identify your body in under a minute when you drop dead in the middle of the street after receiving your second dose! This is the kind of efficiency we only dreamed about in the era of space exploration and flying cars. And don't you think 24/7 real-time snitch-and-bitch surveillance is a much nicer innovation than those silly flying cars? Think of the lawsuits that would have sprouted along the X, Y, and Z axes once people start driving those foolish things around! We should always think of the lawyers first, because their self-image is second only to bankers as blood-sucking overeducated mosquitos, capable of smelling blood (or money) from miles away! Remember, kids, innovation spreads OMFGVIRUS, so whatever you do, make sure someone else is already doing it. Wouldn't want to make the parasites jealous - the only things they can't buy (and thus hate with every fiber of their being) are creativity and imagination.
Dear parasites: please create your own civilization, somewhere far away. If you believe what you constantly spout about your superiority, you don't need the rest of us to feast on. Gorge yourself on Soylent Green crackers washed down with a glass of Roundup and leave the rest of us alone.
March 15: A threesome with Big Brother; an impartial jury for George Floyd 'killer'? hideous & expensive UK briefing room mocked
Inviting Big Brother into the bedroom: dating app Tinder pushes background checks
Jurors in George Floyd murder case rendered impartial by city settlement, Chauvin lawyers say
10 Downing paid £2.6 million for hideous press briefing room à l'americaine - quick, blame Russia!
March 16: How many grad ceremonies can dance on a pin's head; don't worry, we won't blackmail you again
Columbia atomizes student body with 6 graduation ceremonies celebrating race, sex & income
Texas AG absolves users of state utility Griddy after sky-high prices follow killer storm
March 17: My reality can beat up your reality; Clinton fans let loose their wishful thinking; if the media says you're dead...
**Whose reality? Media insists it's more trustworthy than your lying eyes/ears
Cult of the Clintons raises its head as Biden presidency accelerates death spiral
"Ecuadorian FM" tweets phony announcement of Julian Assange's death
**Half of America believes someone other than Biden is making the big decisions
March 18: US generals ensure Afghanistan remains in perpetual war; Teen Vogue editor hoisted on own petard; snitches sing their praises
Trump almost pulled US out of Afghanistan...if it weren't for those meddling generals
Newly-appointed Teen Vogue editor who made 'anti-Asian' joke 10 years ago forced to resign
IATA hails first use of Travel Pass health-snitch app on Singapore-London flight
March 19: Fauci bedazzles with bullshit; Biden & Bush trade neocon squawks; Epstein was neoliberalism's hero
Rand Paul calls out Fauci's 'mask theatre' as doctor defends performative fear
Biden mocked as 'Chicken Joe' for his faulty tough-guy memories of convivial chat with Putin
Amnesiac George Dubya claims he was 'horrified' by Capitol raid - but his war crimes were fine
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- Written by Helen Buyniski
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I am getting very tired of making jokes only to have them come true. "Kill yourself before the OMFGVIRUS can!" is a slogan I made up back in April to mock the paper-tiger nature of Covid-19 combined with the cultlike authority its worshipers vested in the quasi-scriptural propaganda that had grown up around it. Now we have a 100% increase in the number of child suicides. The people crafting these narratives are evil scumbags seeking to turn our senses of humor - one of the few human elements they can neither fake nor purchase - against us. When they take our sense of humor they've effectively succeeded in alienating us against ourselves, and one of the ways they do this is by taking what should be jokes and turning them into reality where they are quite obviously no longer funny - hell, the entire OMFGVIRUS narrative would have made a hilarious modern version of "A Modest Proposal" if it hadn't actually happened - in the hope of convincing us to abandon our will to laugh at things (conveniently bringing us one big step closer to the robot/AI consciousness-merge Schwab & co. are still pushing as the be-all end-all of transhumanist utopia - remember, AI doesn't laugh).
Lest reality get lost in the atrocity shuffle, these kids aren't offing themselves because people are making jokes about OMFGVIRUS suicide cults - they're offing themselves because their scared-shitless parents are forcing them into real-life OMFGVIRUS suicide cults enshrining suffering, guilt and misery as the pinnacle of achievement for kids who are supposed to be playing outside, with other children, in the sun and the dirt, where they can wrap their hands and minds around what it truly is to be human. Lockdowns kill. Oppose them with every fiber of your being.
(And yes, the article linked above gets a few things wrong, such as quoting Milton Friedman [just don't, once you've summoned demons they're incredibly difficult to put back] and its assumption that lockdown suicides are an unintentional side effect of the policy [they are in fact one of the primary intentions, as a labor-saving measure - the more of us kill ourselves, the fewer are left for them to kill]. But its primary thrust is both correct and alarming. If you can read it without experiencing visceral rage at the inhuman architects of this heinous policy, check your pulse, as you are probably dead.)
February 22: I can haz nuxe?; it's raining terror; legalize pot...later; nothing exceeds like excess
Ayatollah Khamenei warns Iran will keep enriching uranium through 60% amid unrest over backroom deal
German paratroopers mistaken for 'terrorists' after surprise Covid-themed visit to local hospital
February 23: Gibbering Gates sez b-haev; Naomi Wolf in sheep's clothing
**Naomi Wolf exposes OMFGVIRUS fascism, gets slammed for transpartisan outreach
February 24: Everybody Hates Neera Tanden™; UK contact tracing app always meant to snoop; Israel running out of threats to make; Trudeaun't can't meme
Even horrifically corrupt Senate won't swallow human virus Neera Tanden
UK's bug-riddled NHS contact-tracing app meant for vaccine tracking all along
February 25: Cuomo seeks patsy to shift focus from serial murder onto sex harassment
February 26: CPAC-man no AIPAC-man; start snitching to make it look voluntary; in space no one can hear you pander
Arrival of golden-calf Trump statue at CPAC raises religious eyebrows
**Snitch Nation takes shape in under-siege US at last - but at what cost?
NASA renames DC HQ building after first black female engineer
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- Written by Helen Buyniski
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Is Cuomo's reign of terror really coming to an end? It would be nice to get some good news for a bit. Unfortunately he'll be charged with sexual harassment rather than culling the state's elderly. And just in time for the introduction of the Freedom Pass, which rivals even the Patriot Act in terms of its spitefully ironic naming. 'tis easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to upload even the most well-documented, high quality content to YouTube and have it stay there for more than 24 hours. The propagandists hate competition, especially when their own work is so shoddy and threadbare. Imagine actually being one of these third rate sycophants! No wonder they hate us so. You can't buy creativity, no matter how many times they try.
February 16: Withdrawal sets in for Orange Man Bad crew; never trust a scumbag (unless you're with the GOP?)
Yet another Trump lawsuit as congressman insists he was deprived of his safe space
**The ruling class all but fed us to the woodchipper. Why are we trusting them to pull us out?
Robinhood CEO hiding out from 'angry client mobs' awaiting testimony before Congress
Poll finds Trump lovefest in 2024 primary as ex-president preferred by over half of GOP
February 17: Mars is blushing; Cuomo bristles when caught; Fauci welcomed into fraternity of fucktards
Musk can have Mars, sniffs Gibbering Gates, pledging to wreck earth's infrastructure next
Cuomo threatens to 'destroy' Queens assemblyman after his elderly killing spree exposed
**Fauci joins Israeli scumbag chorus alongside Kissinger, Blair, & Jimmy Wales
February 18: Bootstrap bathos; Every Single Time; Amazon trafficks traffic; Fredo ditches his beloved; Spring Break for Slothboi
90-year-old woman hikes 6 miles in the snow to get vaccine that will probably kill her
Israel prepares to throw open the doors to normalcy as thousands forge its vax passport
Amazon meddles with traffic lights to stymie warehouse unionization drive
Fredo slinks away as Andrew Cuomo comes under fire from FBI & even de Blasio
Ted Cruz self-owns, caught flying with family to Cancun amid massive power outage
February 19: Racism wins the class war; NYT wants you scared & stupid; ISISrael wants your job; animals more equal than others
Systemic racism lasts until average person is lifted up - not black elite, says John Barnes
**NYTimes warns readers not to think critically, lest they realize they're being lied to
Ziofascist astroturf group attacks UBristol prof while his employer meekly corbyns
**Some lives matter more: pro-Trump group barred from painting BLM-like mural in NYC
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While the fantastically dim bulbs of the American media establishment were splashing around in the urine-filled kiddie pool that was Trump's second impeachment trial, the important sociopaths were getting their tentacles primed for Cyber Polygon, which is an Event 201-style simulation meant to get Klaus Schwab's cyber-attack rocks off. Featuring not only the World Economic Forum but a bunch of the creeps from that previous simulation, it's supposed to replicate a Solar Winds-style cyberattack, and last year's participants included a host of horrors funded by the usual suspects (Microsoft, Facebook, Mastercard, the Hewlett Foundation - just read Whitney Webb's piece), such odious creatures as Tony Blair and Schwab himself, and the head of Israel's National Cyber Directorate, Yigal Unna, who apparently warned last year that a "cyber winter" of cyberattacks was "coming and coming faster than even I suspected." So basically the much-belabored Dark Winter but on steroids and uttered by an Israeli tech weasel. The Great Reset, in case it hasn't become screamingly clear to you yet, is designed to deliver control over humanity gift-wrapped to Israel's doorstep - the supremacist schmucks have even managed to dodge the vaccine certificates they're eager to force down the rest of our throats. And then leave our shriveled-up husks behind as they sell the last of our technology to China. Imagine if the US military and intelligence services actually had one set of balls between them - they'd have to actually do something about this situation! Lucky for Israel, they don't. More's the pity...
February 8: US pushes Israel's human wrongs back into UN; duhmocracy dies in darkness; if at first you don't succeed; encryption or bust
US will re-engage with UNHRC in order to force Israel down its throat, says Blinken
Less than 1 in 5 Americans think Our Democracy™ is working - & 2 in 3 think it's getting worse
Trump lawyers say 'insurrection' impeachment charge is unconstitutional & unprofessional
Telegram becomes #1 downloaded non-gaming app for January
February 9: Timidity kills while OMFGVIRUS thrives & pod people flourish; Trump's neighbors Just Say No
**Americans' routines have been disrupted: enter Pod Personality, abandon hope all ye who enter
Trump struggling to stay at Mar-a-Lago year-round as neighbors run spite op
February 10: Dorsey sells them a piece of blue sky; school to prison pipeline complete; cinema strange - or screwed
Twitter founder fleshes out decentralized Bluesky social network for investors as Twitter devolves
UC Berkeley bans students from solo exercise outdoors as lockdown extended indefinitely
Mask Up 'Murica, say CDC & Hollywood as dystopian vaccine nightmare looms
Joss Whedon slammed for poor treatment of Buffy actors on set after Avengers revelations
February 11: Fourth Industrial Revolution screws workers; Israel invented cancel culture but Aussies are corbyning hard; Facebook hates you
US unemployment stays high despite Biden farting roses at inauguration ceremony
Aussie bookstore gets caught in apology spiral over gender-crazed author guests
Facebook unveils enforcement report showing AI deleted 97% of 'hate speech' w/o a single complaint
February 12: Haley hates Trump this week; Swedes just wanna have side effects; Le Pen attacked from the right; Cuomo is a serial killer
Nikki Haley turns on Trump again with second thoughts about following him down latest hole
Swedish university proposes comparing vaccines across regions
Le Pen baffled at being put in position of defending Islam
**Cuomo aide admits he killed Grandma, opening door to prosecution - but don't expect an apology
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- Written by Helen Buyniski
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The US has become the economic equivalent of a raging crackhead who regularly shows up to the local strip mall, sticks his gun in the clerk's face, and walks off with a ton of stuff on credit while leaving a stack of IOUs in his wake, promising to pay for his purchases at a later date. The crackhead doesn't actually produce anything (except borderline-illegible IOUs), yet the stores have all tacitly agreed to respect his IOUs because if they don't he won't just shoot up the one store, he'll shoot up the whole strip mall, and surely it's easier to just keep him happy - after all, he's got a high credit score, and surely he'll pay everyone back at some future date.
Humanity is hurrying toward an ignominious end; it's like our leaders are finally waking up to what a mess they've made of things and knowing they can't fix it within our lifetimes have just opted to nuke the whole species and get it over with in the hope they can avoid having their names go down in the history books as the parties responsible for this heinous mess.
February 1: Blame the victim; sue the planet
Belgian PM blames anti-lockdown protesters for swastika graffiti
UAE establishes 'space court' to settle off-planet corporate disputes
February 2: Bitchin' in the kitchen; predator/prey harmony
British man arrested for running soup kitchen in East Sussex park
Robinhood & corrupt hedge funds finally succeed in pushing GameStop stock price below $100
February 4: Redefining 'small business'; thinking with the small head
Roman Catholic Church got $3 billion in 'small business' Covid-19 aid
Be careful what you wank for: Pornhub promises to fight abuse by spying on users
February 5: How fake is your socialism; lying like a rug for fun & profit; modern-day slavery; extreme failure
AOC pleads with Twitter to shut down "Ocasio-Smollett" meme after her Capitol lie exposed
**Covid-19 flipflops from Fauci & friends keep people scared & stupid by design
Nevada lures Big Tech to desert by offering a chance to relaunch the 'company town'
**Pentagon desperate to purge 'extremists', but what does it think soldiers are?
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