Recession is inevitable, but the rats are convinced they can learn to swim before the ship sinks. Ghislaine Maxwell has her own personal flotation device, but others (here's looking at you, Shapiro) aren't going to be so fortunate. Who knows, the next organ discovered in the human body may be a latent set of gills - maybe HP Lovecraft wasn't so far off the mark.

August 12: Recession, repression, regression, & retribution 

Bank of America economist says 1 in 3 chance of recession this year

Pompeo calls for allies to kick Iran while arms embargo prevents them from fighting back

Mia Khalifa complains she only earned $12k in notorious porn scene

Elderly Indian couple fights off armed robbers with furniture & slippers

August 13: White Man Bad; Facebook ends (secret) human review; who shot the sheriff?; spunky sperm smugglers snagged

**Establishment media attacks Bernie Sanders as Lefty Trump for calling out corporate capture

Facebook ends human eavesdropping on "AI-transcribed" messenger chats

FBI investigating shots fired at ICE offices as anti-fed hate crime

Danes popped for smuggling pig semen into Australia to create super-sows

August 14: Grace 1 to be freed; silver spoon Stockholm syndrome; Philly cops get more than they bargained for

Gibraltar to release Iranian tanker Grace 1 soon, sources claim

Ben Shapiro calls poverty a "you problem" around bundle of silver spoons in mouth

Botched narcotics raid turns Philadelphia neighborhood into warzone

August 15: Whistleblower fingers GE; Ghislaine Maxwell trolling; pot calls kettle black; new organ discovered; war on loneliness declared

Madoff whistleblower says GE hiding massive fraud

Ghislaine Maxwell spotted at LA burger joint reading about lives & deaths of CIA operatives

Trump calls out election rally protester's "weight problem"

New organ discovered lurking beneath the skin responsible for some pain sensations

**Medical-industrial complex testing hormones, robots for coming War on Loneliness (& loners)

August 16: USS Sore Loser sets sail; Zelaya dishes on US coup; Snopes doesn't get satire; take my nuclear cleanup bots, please!

US issues asset forfeiture warrant in desperate bid to seize Grace 1 as Gibraltar releases tanker

Coup victim Zelaya says US 'kicked him out' after he joined progressive regional alliance

Hillary's Honduras coup created opening for Trump by destroying economy & fueling migrant wave

Snopes posts 'study' claiming 28% of Republicans take Babylon Bee stories seriously, gets owned

Japan volunteers its nuclear cleanup robots for North Korean denuclearization